As dîscüssed aŧ Lün's exceŀŀenŧ BBQ afŧer Chrîsŧmas, ŧhe Mrs and I wîŀŀ be back în Sÿdneÿ for ~10 daÿs from ŧhe 11ŧh of Feb ŧo heŀp oüŧ afŧer ŧhe bîrŧh of oür nîece. Sînce I dîdn'ŧ geŧ a chance ŧo be (ŧoo) nerdÿ wîŧh ŧhe Crew ŧhen îŧ'd be greaŧ îf we coüŀd fînd a ŧîme nexŧ monŧh ŧo do so.
I am enjoÿîng pŀaÿîng boŧh 40K and Fanŧasÿ aŧ ŧhe momenŧ and have new, ünseen ünîŧs for boŧh. (Incŀüdîng Oŀd One Eÿe, who ŧrashed a Monoŀîŧh on debüŧ, 7 aŧŧacks -> 10 hîŧs -> 10 peneŧraŧîng hîŧs -> 1 wrecked, büŧ noŧ expŀodîng, Monoŀîŧh)
And before ŧhe qüesŧîon geŧs asked, ünforŧünaŧeŀÿ I can'ŧ hang aroünd for ŊF, ŧhere's no sensîbŀe waÿ ŧo geŧ ŧhe car and ŧhe Mrs back home wîŧhoüŧ me :(
The goblin hobbled up the path with a half-swaggering, half-limping gait.
"Kind masters, good masters... Snotly will show you the way..."
Behind him, a hideous skeleton general flanked by his murderous undead guardians followed closely, but paused as he was hailed quietly from behind. A retinue of warriors at his side, an elven magister approached upon a pillar of magical flame to speak with his leader.
"Are we certain we can trust this goblin?" the elf inquired, continuing to balance in midair upon a sweltering tongue of fire as an intimidating show of his arcane ability. "If we mistake our timing, and attack when the defenders are prepared..."
The general made a hissing gurgle somewhere on the inside of his armour, and resumed his march. "Too many questions, elf. Always talking. There is no mistake. Khemri always chooses the right moment." Grudgingly tilting his helm to peer up at the hovering wizard, the monstrous commander shook his skull, adding: "And stop this fire. Such waste. Are you even still able to cast any more? What happens when battle is joined?"
The elf, looking offended, seemed about to begin a tedious lecture on elven magical superiority, when all of a sudden their guide called out: "We're here! Yesss, kind masters!" The goblin up ahead was standing in on a small hill, pointing excitedly and shouting "Look, look! Snotly has brought you to the tow-huurgk!" before promptly being smeared right across the hillside by a distant dwarven gun.
The general wasted no time. "They've seen us! Now is the time! Begin surprise attack!" he commanded, his troops filling with a powerful necrotic energy and beginning an unyielding, tireless march. "For Khemri, and all who value honour! Charge!"
Reacting immediately to his shouted command, the well-trained army charged ahead as ordered... except for the general's own unit, who struggled onward at a steady walking pace.
The skeleton waved his bony hands for attention. "Hold up! Not so quickly, you idiots! Wait for me!"
Weapons flashing, banners flapping, marching double time, two massive armies converged around a mighty tower on a lightly wooded plain.
Elves, skeletal monsters and disgruntled Brettonian knights had found common cause in a surprise attack on this tower, owned by the most dishonourable of the Empire's minions: dwarven engineers whose twisted inventions blew soldiers away without even a chance at honourable combat, dishonoured Brettonian knights who had failed the Lady of the Lake and lost her blessing, and finally a detachment from the Empire's most despicable province, whose knights had been known to spend entire battles marching slowly backwards.
Finally, these villains would be called to account for their wickedness: it was time for a reckoning, in the form of a cunning and perfectly executed surprise attack that would leave their fortress home aflame.
The grand edifice loomed high above ground level and flew the proud colours of Baron Lucius de Ar'jorb, with the golden gryphon of Emperor Karl Franz shining atop the pole. Behind, a heavy force of knights, artillery and dwarven engineers was lying in wait: cannons primed, spells crackling, rockets lit and weapons at the ready.
As the attackers swept down upon the plain - elven and Khemrian chariots leading a charge of peasants, skeletons and knights - the line of assault suddenly faltered, pulling up in confusion: they were expected! The surprise attack had failed!
Suddenly, death rained down in waves. The boom of cannons, rockets and mortar blasts was deafening, and gouts of earth and stone thundered upward as the earth itself was upheaved. A hastily erected bolt thrower on the attackers' side had barely loaded bolts before the whistle of a cannonball, and then a mighty crash and boom, signaled their end. Around them, skeleton and elf alike were dashed to pieces, as they advanced with increasing desperation, trying to avoid the arcs of fire aimed at them.
After some careful maneuvering, elven and human knights at last bore down upon the cannons, kicking up the earth as they attempted to bring down the mighty guns. Along the flanks, elves and skeletons moved into position, chariots bore down, then yeomen and a trebuchet began to retaliate as sizzling spells lashed out in both directions.
The attackers, in turn, were briefly cowed, as a Grand Cannon crew went down in a hail of arrows and trebuchet stones crushed a mass of dwarves. The spells of the attackers, however, fell to glittering pieces, dispelled by the amazing skills of the defending Empire wizards and Brettonian priestesses. As the defenders' spells began to strike the attackers in return with increasing ferocity, the dwarves marched grimly on, and defending knights galloped around the light tree cover to protect the cannons. The elven contingent sweeping forward shrieked as they were trampled in a lancing charge. From inside the mighty tower, a massive company of spearmen jeered, as they beheld their allies' might.
And then, all at once, the screaming started. A troupe of Swordmasters had breached the tower's base, and all at once it was a charnel house, pieces of spearmen flying out the tower as the defenses fell apart in an orgy of blood. Bone chariots milled forward, preparing for a devastating charge. A pair of deadly white lions drew a mighty elven chariot forward to the attack, and the slowing knights defending the artillery, fresh from riding down the elven nobility, found themselves struck in the flank by their opposing number on the attacking side! Meanwhile on the left flank, a gigantic bird of prey shot out of the woods toward the Empire artillery, shrieking predatory cries as it descended toward the crews. Finally, the momentum of the attackers seemed set to seal a powerful reversal, and lead to a takeover of the tower as they broke the enemy defensive line.... but it was not to last.
Presently, the Swordmasters stumbled backward down the stairs, slick with the blood of corpses, unable to press forward through the sheer weight of numbers their enemy brought to bear. Though only one High Elf went down for every ten defenders, little ground was gained moving up the stairs. Suddenly the clunking grind of dwarven siege machinery and a thundering series of blasts echoed across the plain: the Swordmasters, unable to take cover as the tower's hallways were choked with stabbing spears and dead humans, could only look on in chagrin, before a series of explosions rocked the tower's base, sending elven body parts flying. Only a few of the Swordmasters survived. At the same time, some way from the tower, a rocket streaked a red trail through the sky before exploding on the body of the massive predatory bird, detonating it in a shower of red gore as its graceful feathers scattered to the winds, before settling gently back down to earth.
Both sides raging for vengeance, the decimated dwarven forces were assaulted by rank upon rank of golden-armoured elves, with the surviving sword-masters choosing to join this assault, leaving the tower to be taken by the dead. The skeletons moved rapidly to do so. Though the undead chariots were still milling uselessly at the back, and the attackers' magic was worthless against the powerful healing, molten metal blasts and empowering magic of the defenders, the situation still seemed winnable.
That is, until the dwarves really got down to work.
Cannons, mortars and rockets reloaded and fired anew, dashing the attackers' lines to pieces again and again; and a horrifying, high-pitched roar marked a final change in the elves' fortunes as the great Lion Chariot of Thrace was struck by a heavy cannon blast, and reduced to a red crater. As the flashing blades and spears of the elves, as well as their mighty magics, fell uselessly upon the dwarves' shields and stonelike physiques... the lines of battle turned in earnest. Suddenly, it was the dwarves on the attack, shrugging off everything in their path as their hammers crunched down again and again to the tune of their booming chorus of cannons and guns in the background. Elves crumpled, magics failed, and banners were destroyed beneath the tread of their heavy boots as the dwarves made their way to the tower. Their expertise was hardly needed, however: as they approached, the skull of the Khemrian general tumbled off the roof and shattered on the grass. Defiantly, the remaining empire spearmen thrust their way through their unnatural enemies, themselves empowered with the stonelike flesh of the mightiest dwarves by the magic of their wizards, as they turned their hapless enemies into a thick cloud of dust and bones.
Mere moments later, as the few remaining attackers straddled to hold ground in the relentless rain of cannonballs, Empire reinforcements reached the tower. Swordsmen poured inside in such large numbers that the fortress could barely hold so many men.
Appropriately, the end of the battle was sounded by another blast of dwarven cannons: as most of the remaining attackers turned tail and ran, the attacking wave of knights rode confidently toward the helpless line of cannons, only to be blasted into dogmeat with several volleys of grapeshot. Meanwhile, on the flanks, the other half of the empire's artillery was facing down a rush of undead chariots, which had chosen the opportune moment to finally charge. Defended by a line of knights, the cannons seemed unworried - until the defenders called upon the Lady of the Lake for protection, and their dishonoured status with their Goddess caused her to smite them for their insolence, making half the ranks of knights explode all at once in a magnificent detonation of magic. The three stunned, half-blind remaining knights were quickly run down by the chariots, who hissed and clacked their glee at such great timing - before their wheels sadly caught upon the mangled pile of bodies, leaving them mired in front of the line of war machines and struggling to unwedge themselves from the dirt.
The dwarves looked on blandly as they calmly reloaded their organ gun. Its next shot blew the hapless skeletons to pieces.
Most of you should be familliar with GOG.com, or if you're not, you should be. Today only they're giving away Empire Earth for free, all you need is an account (which is also free!).
I don't know if it's any good, but it's certainly worth the money. While you're there, you may also be interested to know that pretty much their entire catalogue is 50% off until christmas.
Hey NWTJ crew, you are all invited to Ran and Lem's fantabulous NYE Housewarming party.
It will take place at the Pentagon which is to say, Ranneko and lemnisca's place in Redfern. If you were to login you would get the actual address.
Come enjoy the company, see our place (since alas most of you have not yet had the opportunity) and watch the fireworks from the balcony.
We will have some snacks, salads etc but please bring drinks and meat/whatever to cook on the BBQ. There are some couches and air mattresses, so if you would like to stay let us know.
Partners are welcome; if you would like to bring anyone else let us know.
"I have at my command an entire battle group of the Imperial Guard. Fifty regiments, including specialised drop troops, stealthers, mechanised formations, armoured companies and mobile artillery. Over half a million fighting men and thirty thousand tanks and artillery pieces are mine to command.
Emperor show mercy to the fool who stands against me, for I shall not."
- Warmaster Demetrius, Saloaika Crusade, 733.M38
* * * * *
The 2011 Warhammer 40k Escalation League has come to a close! Over six months, loyal defenders of the Imperium, traitorous servants of Chaos, and all manner of xenos fought for supremacy.
But from the very first battle, one force rose above the others. Xach's Imperial Guard, an unstoppable steel legion encasing highly specialised veterans, ground all opposition into the dust. None could shatter their armour. None could slow their advance. None could defeat them!
Congratulations to Xach, who deservedly claims first position in the league! The final standings and points were as follows:
1. Xach - Imperial Guard - 24p
2. Lunzo - Dark Eldar - 19p
3. RJorb - Black Consuls - 18p
4. Ash - Salamanders - 17p
5. Grublord - Night Lords - 15p
6. Bog - Tau - 13p
7. Elo - Eldar - 12p
8. Nemisii - Necrons - 11p
8. Yarkin - Chaos Daemons - 11p
Also, to everyone who worked hard on painting up a new army for the league, I give a hearty well done lads! By the final round, we had sizeable, fully-painted armies facing off against each other, and it was great to see!
After the finals, a number of the players assembled their troops for army photos, and I've attached them below for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
The NWTJ TF2 server is going pretty swimmingly at the moment given that it is approaching Scream Fortress time and we have left the server on permanent Mann Manor. It is a little scouty at times but great for some fun and it means we have a nearly constantly full server!
Things are going so well in fact that we are currently looking to enter the Highlander comp that is starting up on the European Team Fortress 2 League site. It is a 5 week long season starting on November 6th with matches that should be on Sunday evenings or early Monday morning. It has multiple divisions, we plan on entering the lowest, and they will group people by regions meaning that hopefully we will be playing other Aussies.
We need somewhere between 10 and 20 people so you won't be expected to play every week and everyone who plays will get a free item regardless of how poorly we do. It seems like a blast and it would be great if we got some more NWTJ peeps in Team NWTJ.
Wîŧh (qüîŧe a bîŧ of) heŀp from mÿ Dad, I've recenŧŀÿ consŧrücŧed a paîr of gamîng ŧabŀes for mÿ garage/man-cave:
Each ŧabŀe îs 8'x4', whîch can be üsed ŧoürnamenŧ sŧÿŀe wîŧh a 2' dead pîŀe/rüŀe book hoŀdîng space on ŧhe sîde of a 6'x4' ŧabŀe or as a paîr of 4'x4' ŧabŀes. Fürŧhermore we büîŀŧ în ŧhe abîŀîŧÿ ŧo remove ŧhe 2" hîgh dîce barrîer on ŧwo of ŧhe shorŧ edges, aŀŀowîng boŧh ŧabŀes ŧo be boŀŧed ŧogeŧher for an amażîng 16 fooŧ ŀong pŀaÿîng sürface ŧhaŧ jüsŧ fîŧs în ŧhe garage! To gîve ÿoü an îdea of scaŀe, ŧhere îs a Space Marîne sŧandîng în ŧhe cenŧre of ŧhe ŧabŀe, cîrcŀed, ŧheÿ're qüîŧe bîg!
Ŋow ŧhaŧ I've goŧ a ŀoŧ of space ŧo fîŀŀ I pŀan on geŧŧîng back ŧo makîng some more ŧerraîn. The 8ŧh edn Fanŧasÿ ŧerraîn rüŀes goŧ me aŀŀ excîŧed and I qüîckŀÿ knocked üp a few varîanŧ ŧerraîn ŧÿpes for mÿ regüŀar (ex-Chrîsŧmas ŧree) foresŧs:
Blood Forést
Pőisőñ Ŧhicket
Wîŀdwood
Fungus Forést
As iñteŗestiñg äs the ñew teŗŗäiñ ŗules äŗe I häve tő säy thät they mäke äctuäl gäme pläy ä bit äññőyiñg. Giveñ thät 2/3ŗds őf the ŗesults őñ the täble äŗe ñegätive (mőstly killiñg yőu) it mäkes it difficult tő äctuälly use the főŗests tő hide iñ wheñ it might őtheŗwise be useful (eg ägäiñst Bŗettőñiäñs).
Šőme őtheŗ pieces I put tőgetheŗ äŗe:
Đoom Stonés
Añvil őf Väul (häs siñce beeñ flőcked)
Ŋexŧ în ŀîne wîŀŀ be a ŀoŧ of exŧra ŧrees ŧo füŀfîŀ mÿ ambîŧîon of fîŀŀîng a ŧabŀe enŧîreŀÿ wîŧh ŧrees and pŀaÿîng some Jüngŀe Fîghŧîng wîŧh Tÿranîds, fün!
Copyright
Notice: NWTJ is copyright, as when you write copy you have the right
to copyright the copy you write, if the copy is right. If however, your copy
falls over, you must right your copy. If you write religious services you
write rite, and have the right to copyright the rite you write. Very conservative
people write right copy, and have the right to copyright the right copy they
write. A right wing cleric would write right rite, and has the right to copyright
the right rite he has the right to write. His editor has the job of making
the right rite copy right before the copyright can be right. Should Jim Wright
decide to write right rite, then Wright would write right rite, which Wright
has the right to copyright. Duplicating that rite would mean you copy Wright\'s
right rite, and violate copyright, which Wright would have the right to right.
Right? Right.
Pre-ŊF meeŧüp?
Tower of Blood
Terrarian Christmas
Who wants a free game?
Ran and Lem's NYE Party!
Orcs REALLY must die!
For the Emperor!
