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The new year ought to be a time of self-improvement, and not a little ways into the New Year a lot of people have let me know in no uncertain terms that I do, in fact, require some self-improvement.
My ingrained habits have always tended towards irreverence, and I very often say things long before I've given them any thought. As noted at length elsewhere (numerous elsewheres, even), this causes a lot of friction with people who take these things more seriously than I do (which is just about everybody).
I don't want people stewing long hours over some obscenity I voiced 'cause I thought it might be funny. I don't want to have any more arguments in which I need to find a logical way to defend something I've said when I don't even know myself why I said it. Finally, I certainly don't want people bearing grudges against me for arguments resulting from these attempts at self-rationale.
Rather than extend the wall of text, I'll add that this is hardly the only way I offend people without cause, and I need to adjust how I comport myself in social situations if I no longer want to 'be that guy'. Allow me to skip straight to my solution.
A time-honoured classic in the behaviour-correction game is the so-called swear-jar. Swearing offends people, we don't want to continue offending people unnecessarily, and having to pay the jar money each time one swears adds a very real 'sting' to each instance of bad behaviour which over time can be quite successful in motivating change.
I'm putting the same principle to use here, save that I'm using a higher mint of coins than usually go in the jar, and I don't keep the money for a rainy day, but pay it out as a symbolic 'compensation'. In short, if you are one of the people I offend regularly, you stand to make a lot of money. Here are the rules.
The Rules
- I'm going to start carrying an abundance of gold coins. If I don't get rolled on a street corner for the clinking noises I make, these coins will be used to pay a Penalty each time I engage in my previous unconstrained behaviour and thus hurt someone's feelings.
- The penalty game continues until I leave for Beijing on the 31st of March.
- During this time, each Penalty will be paid to the injured party in the form of one (Australian) gold coin.
- Whenever I say something to you that is directly insulting or hurtful, you are eligible to claim one Penalty.
- N.B.: This is not a swear jar. Pointing out foul language is all well and good, but if I haven't actually made a value judgement, or at least used an insulting pronoun, there's no Penalty.
- Also: If I should manage to directly insult a number of people with the one statement, the one to hoot and howl most dramatically about how offended they are will receive the penalty payout. In the case of a tie, small change will be split out.
- Whenever I make you a written or public promise (for instance, to do something at a certain time), and break it without first renegotiating a mutually agreed alternative, you are eligible for one Penalty.
- If I have undertaken to arrive at an event you organised at a specific time, and have not given you least an hour's notice of having been held up, you may claim a Penalty (in addition to the one for going back on my word, for a total of two).
- If I do not turn up to your event at all, despite having promised to do so, you may claim a Penalty. (This would be the third.)
- If it is not mutually agreed between us whether a Penalty is justified, the matter will be handled by the splendid legal team of RJorb & Co. Inc. Pty. Ltd.
- If you believe there is something else that I do regularly which ought to warrant a Penalty, put it in this post and I promise to consider it. If I believe this quality, also, needs to change, it will be added to The Rules.
- In the case of an appropriate gold coin being unavailable at the time a Penalty is called, it will either be bank-transferred by phone, or paid at the next available time.
- All Penalties will be recorded in a tally in my Little Black Book. Injured parties will be given the option of my posting these statistics at the end of the period.
So there it is. Aside from hopefully motivating a fast and positive behavioural change in myself, one hopes each Penalty will also balm the hurt of those who are upset by my actions. If I say some inconsiderate things about you, the Penalty should be sufficient to buy an ice-cream to salve the pain. If I'm as bad as people say, then I hope that my bankruptcy serves as an object lesson to others, and ask that the beneficiaries build a small orphanage with the money. It doesn't have to have my name outside it, just please put a bronze statue of a card-playing dog in the foyer; and never explain why it's there. |
Repurposing the Swear Jar
Ranneko: Sounds like a good plan Grubs it will be truly interesting to see what kind of numbers can be derived from this. I will be especially keen to see if there is a significant spike at the beginning of February for NF.
GrubLord: Haha. You're not wrong: It'll be hard to get through NF without taking part in the traditional trash-talk. 
Ash: Actually Grub, we will be leaving for Beijing on the 29th as we are expected to begin work on the 30th.
RJorb: Considering the Jorbgut that has built up over Christmas, I'd better use those coins to buy wheatgrass shots or something, instead of icecream. Otherwise, we could find ourselves in a very vicious cycle. 
Syfro: All I can say is that Ash will be getting very rich off this system.
Lunzo: Good to see you're cashing in on day one 
Konrad: wow.. i look forward to get my goldcoins in the mail! :P 
